


Big Three Shenanigans

by TheImaginitiveBabbler



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Cheese Burgers, Children of the Big Three (Percy Jackson), Chiron just can't control Percy, Corn! Nico, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Dandelion! Nico, Everyone's come to expect their insanity, F/M, Gen, Guinea Pig! Percy, Happy Meals, Is being transformed a greek thing?, Jason Grace's Glasses, M/M, Mention of Demigods and Magicians, Mention of Magnus Chase, Never Have I Ever, Nico gets to act like a kid for once, Percy Jackson can sing, Percy Jackson is a Dork, Percy Jackson is a troll, Percy Jackson's Greek Gods References, Percy Jackson's Greek Heroes References, Percy Likes Moana, Riptide, Sword of Hades Mention, They've just given up, Tree! Thalia, Troll! Percy, mcdonalds, moana parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 13:53:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14594439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheImaginitiveBabbler/pseuds/TheImaginitiveBabbler
Summary: The children of the Big Three need to do something when they aren't on quests. What do Percy, Nico and Thalia get up to? And Jason and Hazel too?Whether it's cheeseburgers, stories, games, transformations, pranks, movies, parodies and lots of antics the kids of the big three now how to have. a good time. As long as they don't drag everyone else into it. (Though Annabeth might be able to control them. Or Sally.)





	1. Chapter 1

It started after the Titan War. Nico got bored at camp. He still didn't feel comfortable there even though his crush on Percy was fading and the aforementioned was only there on the weekends. Now he loved Percy like a cousin. Cousins hung out together didn't they? Nico wanted to get out of camp and eat some real food. He wanted a Cheeseburger.

Suddenly a grin grew across his face. Nico whistled for Mrs. O'Leary who came bounding out of the woods. Nico was her main caretaker when Percy wasn't at camp. She still loved her owner most, Nico used that and wanted to use it for his advantage. He climbed on the Hellhounds back.

"Girl, lets go visit Percy."

The giant dog woofed in excitement then ran into the shadows. As they became the darkness Nico became relieved. This was fun and familiar. Suddenly he was back in the light.

He was at the curbside of Goode High School. He jumped off the Hellhounds back and looked around. There; Percy was walking out with Paul. Nico assumed Annabeth had already left to Olympus to work. That meant he would have less trouble with this. He planned to approach coolly when Mrs. O'Leary bounded ahead. She tackled her teenage master and gave him a huge lick.

"Mrs. O'Leary?" Percy asked surprised attempting to stand up and wipe off the spit.

"Percy why is your giant dog here?" asked Paul.

"I don't know. This better not be another one of those crazy underworld quests. I'm on a break."

That's when Nico decided to expose himself, "Don't worry, it's not."

"Nico? Why aren't you at camp?" Percy sputtered.

"I'll tell you later. Paul is it okay if I steal Percy for a while? I promise it's not a quest," he asked politely. In his mind though he thought "It is though. A quest for a McDonalds Cheeseburger."

"I'll tell Sally then. Should I expect you home for dinner?" He asked Percy who looked at Nico. Nico shook his head.

"C'mon Goth boy. Were we going?" Percy asked as they hopped on Mrs. O'Leary's back.

"I'm not Goth and I'll tell you after our next stop." Nico pulled a silver swatch of fabric out of his jacket. He put it in front of Mrs. O'Leary. Another person needed to join their quest for cheeseburgers. He couldn't be alone with Percy yet. He wasn't ready.

"Bring us to the person who owns this." As Nico said this Percy's eyebrows tried to jump off his face.

"What happened to not another underworld death quest? That was me, you and Thalia. Even if it's not we can't ride into the huntresses camp on a Hellhound. They'll shoot us."

Nico laughed," We can and we will." He laughed louder as Mrs. O'Leary became the darkness.

They had landed in what seemed to Percy to be near the Great Lakes. A silver arrow whizzed by and Percy jumped off and raised his shield. HE looked to Nico and started scolding his younger cousin.

"I told you this was a bad idea. Why aren't you in camp? Do you have a death wish? Don't answer that. Of course you do. "

"Halt Fire!" They heard a voice cry. Percy stopped talking and grinned.

The voice continued, "Put down your shield Percy. Your head must be filled with more Kelp than I thought if you just rode into to a camp of huntresses on a hellhound." Percy sighed and turned raising his hands in surrender.

"Not my idea!" Percy whined, "It was his!" He turned and pointed to Nico.

"Guilty," smirked the younger boy.

"Thalia, why are there boys in our camp? We need to continue our hunt!" snarled a huntress.

"If the boys have come it must be important. Lady Artemis left me in charge. I say the boys may talk to me. We'll leave the camp and while I'm gone Phoebe's in charge."

The huntresses nodded. Thalia climbed on the Hellhound.

"What in Hades are you two up too? Why hasn't Annabeth stopped it?"

"Athena knows! Nico picked me up from school after Annabeth left for Olympus. All he said is that it's not another Underworld Death quest."

"It's not. Mrs. O'Leary go to….." Nico leaned forward and whispered their destination in her ear. They shadow traveled one last time.

Their final destination: McDonald's outside Buffallo, New York. The eldest two of our three whirled on Nico.

"Really? C'mon Nico. Not cool. I thought I needed to save the world," Percy paused, "Again."

Thalia's death glare was on she jabbed her finger into his chest, "I left my huntresses for this? What are you up to Death Breath? Why are we at a McDonalds?"

"I needed a cheeseburger," Nico wasn't fazed at the incredulous look his cousins gave him.

"C'mon. You know they don't make good greasy food at camp. I was gonna die from the greasy food cravings."

"Really Nico? Really?" Percy sighed, "Whatever I'm in. I'm hungry and I wouldn't mind a cheeseburger.

Thalia rolled her eyes, "I don't think I get to go back to my hunt till after I agree. Lets get some cheeseburgers."

"The food more heavenly than ambrosia," moaned Percy biting into his burger.

His cousins grunted in agreement. Both were sipping at their cokes and trying to fit as many fries and cheeseburgers into their mouths as possible.

"No kids meal Nico? I thought you needed 15 or so to raise the dead?" Percy asked once he swallowed.

"HaHa. Very funny, technically I'm 50 years older than both of you. Not a Kid."

"Sure. Just because I'm really 21 doesn't mean that people allow me to drink alcohol. At the time we all met I was oldest. That's how it is. You're the baby who wines all the time. I'm the one who gets to boss you two around. Percy's stuck in the middle," she ruffled Percy's hair. He rolled his eyes and elbowed her. Sensing a fight Nico spoke up.

"This is kind of nice. Getting to know you guys I mean."

"I guess it's like having siblings. I've only ever had Tyson," Percy smiled but his grin grew when he saw Nico's face fall. Thalia disguised her emotions well. He couldn't tell but that had hit her too.

"I'm not trying to replace anyone. I'm not your brother. I'm your cousin."

"Cousin. I like the sound of that, " agreed Thalia.

"Mfmgisig" Nico said with a mouthful of cheeseburger. Thalia and Percy looked at each other and adopted devilish grins. Nico was sopping wet and slightly shocked. His elder cousins just left.

"I'm disowning you two," he grumbled. He headed out the door where Mrs. O'Leary was waiting. He got on the dog and waited for the other two. They were still laughing as they got on which made Nico frown.

"I've seen you both do this to the other. That was much funnier. Scarier too." He muttered the last part under his breath.

All three looked at each other and started laughing.


	2. Romans Inducted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hazel and Jason are dragged into big three cousin bonding antics.

It became a thing. For the next few months till Percy's disappearance Nico would show up randomly and usher his cousin onto Mrs. O'Leary. Both adopted identically crazy grins and shadow traveled to find Thalia. Wherever the huntresses were Mrs. O'Leary was there in under a minute. The first time Artemis and her hunters tried to stop them. They had heard the tale of the first time it happened from Thalia. Why leave the hunt for a crappy burger. Her cousins didn't agree. Nico eventually just nabbed her as Percy saluted. Then they instantly disappeared.

The next time they spoke, "Thalia's coming with us," Nico said.

"Just for an hour or so Lady Artemis," Percy rolled his eyes at Nico. Then both his cousins fell into laughter.

"Did Kelp Head just sound respectful?" Thalia asked as she climbed on. Artemis didn't try to stop her. She realized then it was hopeless. She couldn't stop the two boys from taking her Lieutenant.

"Thanks Lady Artemis," winked Percy as they disappeared.

After Percy disappeared they stopped for a bit. It wasn't the same without him. The one time they tried they ate in complete silence. Percy was their messed up family's glue. Then the Giant War happened. Both of them found Roman siblings who loved Percy and each other as much as they did. So one day when Will was busy and Nico was bored he found Hazel with Frank.

"C'mon sis. Lets go find Jason." Frank was left sputtering as Hazel was towed off. She was towed away from the Pegasus stables to find Jason. He was on his way to Bunker Nine with Piper.

"Piper, I'm stealing Jason. He'll be back in a few hours. Bye!" Nico said as he put his arm around Jason's shoulder and turned him the other way. His other hand still had Hazel's in it's grasp. Piper just laughed and kept walking. Both Romans kept pestering Nico for details on what was happening. "I'll tell you when we pick up the last two people."

Mrs. O'Leary was outside the Poseidon cabin when they got there. Nico stopped and pointed to the dog.

"Get on the dog while I get Percy," Nico knocked on the cabin door. Percy answered it in PJs. Seeing Nico who grinned then pointed to Hazel on Mrs. O'Leary with Jason. He turned and asked, "BTC? (Big Three Cousins)."

Nico nodded. Percy held up a finger went back inside. When he came out a few minutes later fully dressed. Then he shouted back inside, "Expect me to be a while Annabeth. Code BTC."

"What's BTC?" Hazel asked.

"You'll see," answered the two Greeks with identical creepy grins.

"That's not good," Jason whined as Mrs. O'Leary ran into the trees.

Jason and Percy took a second to get oriented after that shadow travel trip. This time they had ended up in a place that seemed familiar to Percy and Nico as well.

"Colorado. We're near the Garden of the gods," Percy said mournfully. Right near the place where Daedalus's workshop had been in the Labryinth.

Nico gave a sad smile, "Perfect place for the hunters."

"Hunters?" Jason asked, "You mean Thalia."

"Yeah. There they are now." As Percy said this a hunting horn sounded. The hunters bounded in with Artemis.

"Hey Lady Artemis," Percy said as Nico waved Thalia onto the dog.

"BTC?" asked the huntress. She smiled and hopped on when she received a nod.

"Bye Lady Artemis!" called Percy with an enthusiastic wave as they disappeared. The goddess just sighed.

A minute later the group had arrived in front of a burger store in Denver. One that Percy recognized, "I can't eat here. Nico, this is where I first met Ares as a 12-year-old fugitive."

That got questioning looks from the Romans.

"Ask Annabeth to tell you later. She does it with out starting to yell and curse at the gods. If I told you a lot worse might happen."

"Sorry Perce, nor me or the dog has enough energy to shadow travel beside our trip to return Thalia and us to camp."

"Fine. If we get kicked out of the restaurant it's your fault Neeks?"

"I told you not to call me that."

"Nico, can you scold Percy for this later? Why are we here?" asked Hazel.

"Big Three Cousin Bonding!" said all three Greeks at the same time with identical creepy grins on their faces.

"I'm sorry, what?" Jason almost laughed.

"I'll tell you when we get the food. C'mon lil'bro I'm starved," Thalia waved her brother and Hazel into the restaurant. Luckily they were not kicked out, the waitress Ares had once threatened no longer worked there. Percy went unrecognized and they were safe.

Thalia went up to the counter and ordered what she ordered every time for her and her cousins. She got Hazel and Jason the same because if they were really part of this family how could they not love cheeseburgers?

When she brought the five cokes to the table Percy started, "You wanted to know why we're here. You can credit that to Nico kidnapping me after school one afternoon," he chuckled.

Nico fake pouted, "I was bored and wanted actual greasy food. I decided I didn't want to go alone so I got Percy and towed him to get Thalia."

"You guys kidnapped me. Well kind of, I was in charge of the hunters and you made me leave."

"We kidnapped you the next time, when Lady Artemis was there. She only tried to stop us twice," laughed Percy.

"You didn't listen when a goddess tried to stop you?" gasped Hazel.

"It's Percy. Of course he didn't. It's the other two that I'm actually kind of surprised about," Jason asked, "Now tell us why we're here?"

Percy grinned and answered, "We love cheeseburgers.-"

"As well as spending time with each other," Thalia disrupted. This earned her an elbow from Percy plus a pout that even she couldn't resist. She didn't shock him. At least not this time.

"So every so often Nico picks me up and then we go kidnap Thalia for Big Three Cousin bonding time. You guys are part of this wacky family too so I guess Nico was bored enough to pick you up and come get us for this delicious lunch."

"Will was busy," muttered Nico. His cousins laughed.

From then on every so often Nico would pick up Jason and Percy from Goode High School where they both went with their girlfriends. They then fetched Hazel from Camp Jupiter and went on to kidnap Thalia. No one really knew what they did at those lunches. The whole thing was kept between the five of them. Not even their significant others knew what happened there. The only proof these things ever happened was the pictures that each of them kept. A memento that each of them treasured.


	3. Underworld Aftermath

Of all the cousins, Greek and Roman, 4/5 had been to the Underworld. Jason had been pretty close in the house of Hades but he had never actually gone on the full tour like Percy, Nico and Thalia had. Or stayed there for a bit like Hazel did.

It was on another BTC outing that this topic had been brought up. Hazel and Jason had been picked up from California and Percy willingly ditched his DSTOMP and SAT studies. Nico also really needed the distraction after the first disappearance of a camper.

So they sat in a McDonalds in Florida. Jason and Hazel were listening closely to the tale of the first big three cousin adventure to the Underworld. The topic of Jason and Thalia's mother being impersonated by Melinoe made them wince. They had a recent run in with her real ghost. Her mania had haunted Jason during the last leg of the seven's quest to Athens.

Yet even before that Thalia was oddly quiet. She didn't say anything about Percy getting a big head under Jason and Hazel's astonishment of him controlling the Lethe. Something that was supposed to be impossible. Both had seen him do things they considered impossible but that was a feat Poseidon had tried and failed to do. Percy also wasn't himself. This story probably wasn't the best choice. Being reminded of Bob hurt but he thanked Nico yet again for making sure the friendly Titan was alright in the underworld.

Thalia got up to go get a refill and Percy decided to follow. This story was affecting both of them. Jason, Nico and Hazel barely noticed through their laughs as Nico started his next story. One about finding out he was a demigod after a Manticore attack and a bus ride in the sun.

Percy popped the lid off his disposable cup and added more ice. Thalia was putting more coke in hers. Both stayed quiet the laughs of their cousins/siblings echoing in their ears. Thalia looked at Jason, her smile at his laughs faded and she sighed.

"You okay Thals?" Percy asked.

"Yeah," she lied.

"Really? It's about Jason isn't it? I thought seeing him again made you happy?"

"It did. It also made me realize how much I missed when I was a tree and he was at Camp Jupiter. I wasn't there for my little brother. I was 10 and Jason was three. We were all each other had. My mother wasn't there for us and then she gave up Jason. I tried to forgive and forget everything, so I could stay with my her. It didn't work. I ran away two years later. Then I met Luke and Annabeth. You don't know how heartbroken I was to come out of that tree and seen her all grown up. After I failed Jason I had a second chance. Luke and I took care of Annabeth. We were a family. Then Luke betrayed us and most importantly he broke his promise to take care of Annabeth."

Percy clenched his fist. Luke had done so much damage and ultimately helped pave the way for Gaea's rise. He understand where the son of Hermes opinions came from but he would never forgive him for hurting his friends and especially Annabeth, Thalia, and Grover the way he did.

"So I joined the hunters. It's where I felt a purpose. Annabeth no longer needed me, she was all grown up and she had you. Luke was gone and there was nothing I could do. I thought Jason was dead."

"That's who you were looking for."

"Huh?"

"In the fields of Asphodel. When we were on that quest for Persephone in the Underworld. I thought you were looking for your mother, remember? But you were looking for Jason. You thought he was dead and he was too young to have done anything special enough to land him Elysium or Punishment."

"Yeah, I was looking for Jason. I thought maybe with Nico's help or with the sword I could bring him back. But I couldn't find him. I guess that was lucky because he's alive. But I've still missed so much time. I think you could understand that. You missed a year of school and other milestones you should have had. And imagine if you had disappeared this year. Aunt Sally's pregnant! What if you had missed your sister being born, or her first steps or more!"

"It's all-okay now though. We're all alive and well. Most importantly we're all together."

"Yeah, thanks to you."

Percy protested but Thalia kept talking, "We owe all of this to you Kelp Head. You brought us all together and have saved us all so many times over. Honestly Percy, you've got to be the single most important and loyal demigod for the last five centuries or so. You're more deserving of the myths and fame then Hercules, Theseus or any of the originals."

This was getting to be too much for Percy because to him none of that seemed true, "Thalia, I never thought I'd hear you get sappy on me."

He got clubbed in the arm for that. With her burden now unloaded Thalia donned her usual confident grin and started walking back to the others. Percy just watched for a moment relishing one more happy moment with his family.


	4. Transformations

** Chapter 4: Transformations **

 

            **AN: Takes place almost a year after Hidden Oracle and Sword of Summer.**

It was the last day of their monthly reunion. Most of them were based in California now. Jason and Piper were in the middle of their senior year in LA. They had come up to Manhattan with Coach Hedge and his family. Reyna, Frank, and Hazel left Camp Jupiter in good hands. They had taken a plane from San Francisco, but Percy and Annabeth had taken Mrs. O’Leary from their first real break from college in New Rome. Rachel, Nico, Will, Leo and Calypso had driven from camp and met them at Sally and Paul’s apartment. Thalia and Grover had appeared together suddenly. The hunters had been working with the council of cloven elders on a project recently. The small apartment had trouble hosting everyone for Thanksgiving dinner. Sally had cooked for everyone and the girls had fawned over the baby. Sally and Calypso talked about gardening. Before the latter joined the other girls to complain about their boyfriends. The boys enjoyed the football game, besides Nico and Will who were hogging the baby to Percy’s chagrin. Everyone else thought the couple was adorable. Then Blue Pie and Cookies were crammed into their stomachs even though everyone was already stuffed.

“We should get back to camp. You guys are all coming for a bit, right?” Will asked.

“Yeah. This many demigods in one place is not the best idea. You’ll be okay, right?” Percy asked his mom.

She rolled her eyes and pushed him towards the door, “Go have fun. I expect to see you and Annabeth later to hear more about school.”

The 18 year old rolled his eyes. Some things never changed. He got into the Spyder with Annabeth (it was a gift from Apollo after the Prius was wrecked driving Meg and the latter to camp). Nico and Will shadow traveled together. Leo and Calypso got into Festus who could now become a car. Rachel and Reyna joined Thalia on Mrs. O’Leary’s back. Frank, Hazel and Grover took the camp car back, shadow travel wasn’t Grover’s favorite. Frank was too stuffed to turn into a dragon.

They all arrived at camp to be greeted by Tyson and Ella. It was just in time for the bonfire led by Kayla and Austin. Everyone joined in as hot chocolate was passed around and the purple flames roared.

            “Settle down. I know it is Thanksgiving and while this is not one of our holidays I believe we should go around and give gratitude to the Olympians by saying what we are thankful for.”

            Connor started, “That I finally joined Travis out in the world and our pranking legacy is being carried on at camp.”

            He winked at his younger half sisters who were giggling in the corner before nudging his brother. Travis put his arm around Katie, “I’m thankful that Katie here is still my girlfriend and that I have Connor with me again.”

            The circle continued on till it got to the last two Percy and Thalia. Percy was first and his list was long.

            “I’m jinxing myself but I’m thankful for a semi-peaceful year at college in New Rome where I’m not saving the world from any Greek, Roman, Egyptian or Norse entity. “

            “Egyptian? Norse?” whispers rose up around the circle and everyone looked to Percy, Chiron and Annabeth for answers.

            “Later,” Chiron said with a frown, (How had the boy managed to get mixed up with Egyptians and Vikings?) “Continue Percy.”

            “I’m thankful for my new sibling, that my family and friends are safe,” he gestured to everyone in the circle. “For blue food, BTC, that Riptide can’t talk (see Sword of Summer and Hidden Oracle), that I’m not dead and for Annabeth.”

            His girlfriend cuddled into his side and he tightened his embrace around her planting a kiss on her hair.

Thalia mimed gagging then began her list, “I’m thankful for the hunt. I guess I’m thankful to Seaweed brain for bringing my family back together,” she smirked at Jason then paused and deadpanned, “and for the fact I’m no longer a tree.”

“Wait, hold up. You were a tree?” Frank asked. The other newer campers nodded along with mouths open in shock.

“This story isn’t widely told anymore? Wow, Camp really has changed,” Connor said.

“There are better and cooler stories now,” Leo gestured to himself. “Though I still want to hear this one.”

“Is this a Percy story? Those are my favorite!” Harley gushed, bouncing in his seat next to Nyssa.

Percy stammered, “Um.. Wait. You guys tell stories about me?”

“They have since your first year. You’re just on a quest more than you are at Camp. I cannot say how much of these are true, half might be rumors but I’m starting to think not.”

**AN: I might publish a story on the everyone hearing the story from Percy’s mouth like it’s no big deal. Let me know if you want that. I cherish reviews and recommendations.**

“Probably not,” Percy and Annabeth replied at once.

“Man, the first summer after you learnt you were a demigod you defeated a kindly one, the minotaur, all three kindly ones, Medusa, you fought Echidna, some automons, escaped the Lotus eaters, defeated Procrustes, went into the Underworld, and dueled Ares and won,” Grover began.

“I think that was our easiest quest,” Percy told Annabeth who hummed in agreement. This better stop soon. Percy wasn’t good with too much praise.

“There was also that time you were dipped in the Styx and defeated my dad and his army. Or you shot Geyron through the chest and saved us after cleaning out his man-eating horses stalls. Or when you controlled the river Lethe,” said Nico

“You controlled a river of the underworld?” Chiron gasped.

“Or held the sky, killed the Nemean Lion, fought Atlas, became besties with the ophiotaurus, became the only guy Lady Artemis doesn’t hate, wiped out several monster armies and some other stuff I can’t remember,” Thalia said.

“You guys need to stop. After I say that, he exploded a volcano after our first kiss then had the nerve to disrupt his own funeral. People seem to have a habit of doing that when I’m around.”

“Why do you have to be cousins with Magnus? I agree the Egyptian thing was my fault but the Norse one was yours!”

At this point everyone was staring at Percy with jaws dropped before Leo’s ADHD took his attention off that and back to the original point.

“So Thalia was a tree?”

**Blah blah blah, the whole story about how she became a tree.**

“That was until Percy, Annabeth, Grover, Tyson and Clarisse,” the latter grunted, “found the Golden Fleece and brought it to camp. It’s power brought me back to human form but the tree is still there,” Thalia gestured to the pine that had been named for her on Half Blood Hill.

“And I’m not the only one around here that’s been turned into a plant. Right Nico?”

The 15 year old blushed and glared at his elder cousin.

“How do you know about Trip and the Sorghum in Venice?” Frank asked. **(See HOH)**

“What are you talking about? I’m talking about Persephone and the dandelion.”

Now everyone was staring at Nico. He sighed and said, “Long story short, I angered Persephone and instead of being grounded I became a Dandelion for a day. Then we met a harvest god with a grudge against my dad, thanks to the whole Persephone mess, he made a deal with Frank to save a poisoned Hazel but didn’t trust me so I became a corn plant.”

By then everyone was in tears of laughter. Percy had heard both these stories but had never commented. He had had enough embarrassing things happen to him that he wouldn’t want getting out. But now this was out he couldn’t resist, it was his duty as their cousin.

“If we’re keeping a tally who wins? Thalia was a plant longer but Nico was one twice. Two different ones and there might be some times that he hasn’t shared with us.”

Will came to his embarrassed and annoyed boyfriend’s defense, “What about you Percy? Both you’re Greek cousins have become plants, have you?”

“No. I’m to awesome for that.”

“But he’s not too awesome to be a guinea pig,” Annabeth said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Annabeth!” Percy sat up straight in outrage. It was hard to tell if his face was red from his blush or from being angry. He calmed down quickly though, he couldn’t be mad at Annabeth for long.

“I’m getting you back for that,” he muttered in her ear.

She ignored him, “We met Circe,” Reyna looked down when she heard this hopefully she would not mention her. “She turned Percy into a guinea pig and tried to get me to join her. I gave Percy and the other guinea pigs some vitamins courtesy of Hermes. The other guinea pigs became Blackbeard and his crew and we stole their ship to escape.”

“That explains why you like a lot of lettuce and celery,” laughed Rachel.

“Yeah, yeah. Now we just need to wait for Hazel and Jason to have a turn. Or is this only a Greek thing?” Percy said.

The aforementioned two’s eyes widened and everyone burst into laughter once again.


	5. You're Welcome

Five minutes into the movie Annabeth knew this was a mistake. Percy happened to love Disney movies, and this one really excited him. Ever since he had taken Annabeth to see Hamilton as a one year anniversary gift after the Giant war he had loved Lin Manuel Miranda. The man wrote amazing songs and the ones in this movie were no less so.

Another reason Percy was so excited because of the large part the sea had in the movie. It all looked super cool and he had been telling Annabeth he had wanted to go for several weeks. Finally during the first week of Winter break she conceded.

Leaving the theater Annabeth had to concede it was a great movie. Moana was just as good as Percy had thought it would be. Except after he wouldn’t stop the comparisons.

“You liked it to right Annabeth?” he asked skipping giddily back to their car.

“Yeah Percy.”

“I wonder if Frank can become a shark man. Should I ask?”

“Go ahead,” Annabeth giggled.

“I liked Moana. I think it’s nice they finally had a realistic heroine.”

Annabeth smiled, she had trained her boyfriend well with the help of a few other girls (Piper, Thalia, Hazel, Clarisse and Etc) . He treated women with respect.

“I liked that too Percy.”

“One of the best parts was the ocean. It was alive! I like movies where the ocean was alive. It was funny too. You think if the ocean was alive it would be my friend?”

“Of course Percy, you’re the son of Poseidon.”

“I want to high five the sea. It looked so real.”

“They do that by….” Annabeth started to go into the mathematical detail of animation and for a few minutes Percy was quite listening respectfully.

“You know what I liked best was the songs.”

Annabeth smiled. Not many people knew but Percy’s voice wasn’t that bad. He often sang silently under his breath and she found it especially cute. She wouldn’t find his singing cute for long.

When they got back to camp it started. All of their friends came back from college for break and a few were visiting from their homes (Like Jason and Piper from LA,Frank and Hazel from New Rome and even Thalia.) After dinner that night they sang at the campfire.

Over the past few years the Apollo cabin head stood up at the end of sing along to ask if anyone had new suggestions. A few new favorite songs included parodies from Hamilton and Frozen. SO when will stood up at the end of the campfire today no one was surprised.

“Okay, we haven’t had any new ones for a while. Any new suggestions?” Will asked. No one got up. “Nico?” he asked winking.

“No,” Nico said glaring playfully at his boyfriend.

“Not even for me?” Everyone laughed at the couple. Most of the Aphrodite cabin awed.

“I don’t sing Will. Nothing you say will change that.”

“Okay, so does someone not from the Apollo cabin besides Nico want to sing?”

“I think I might have something,” Percy said standing up.

“Dude, you sing?” Connor Stoll gasped.

“No way,” his brother agreed.

“He’s not that bad,” Piper said. Percy often sang in the shower in the Argo II.

“Definitely better than Coach Hedge,” agreed Frank.

All of the seven laughed.

“I’ve heard him too. He’s accompanied me on reed pipes,” Grover agreed.

“You should hear him rap Hamilton!” Annabeth suggested.

“Thank guys. Annabeth I will be singing something by Lin Manuel-Miranda but not Hamilton. It’s from my new favorite Disney movie and it’s a parody.”

“You saw Moana today? I thought we were saving that for our next double date?” Piper scolded.

“Go ahead Percy, we already saw it,” Jason said.

Smiling he started.

**“Okay, okay**

**I see what's happening, yeah**

**You're face-to-face with greatness and it's strange**

**You don't even know how you feel, it's adorable!**

**Well it's nice to see that people never change.”**

Percy walked said. He pointed at Hazel when he shouted it’s adorable and she blushed. Then he got up to really get started.

 

**Open your eyes, let's begin**

**Yes it's really me, it's Percy! Breathe it in**

**I know it's a lot, the hair, the bod**

**When you're staring at a demigod**

As Percy sang he flexed his muscles jokingly. He flipped his hair over his shoulder as well. Then winked at Annabeth. Some Aphrodite kids whistled. The Stoll brothers and some others catcalled. Everyone laughed.

 

**What can I say except "You're welcome"**

**For the tides, this camp, your lives**

**Hey, it's okay, it's okay, you're welcome**

**I'm just an ordinary demi-guy!**

Everyone laughed again. Percy was walking around theatrically. Doing fancy hand movements. They really did have a lot to thank him for. Especially this parody.

 

**Hey, what has two thumbs and held up the sky**

**When you were having the time of your lives?**

**This guy!**

 

Percy pointed at his chest with two thumbs and smiled cheesily. Annabeth fingered her hair where there were still small streaks of gray and saw Percy reach up for a moment to do the same.

 

**When the seven left Rome, who survived with Annabeth way down below?**

**You're looking at him, yo!**

Percy and Annabeth had healed enough to be able to joke about Tartarus. At least he joked about it; she wasn’t much of a joker. Noone else was comfortable enough to joke about it yet besides them. None of them laughed much at this part either except a few younger campers like Harley.

 

**Oh, also Capture the Flag which I won?**

**You're welcome**

**So I was claimed to bring you some fun**

He sauntered over to Clarisse and Chris. He got up in her face to tease and then walked back and she got up to tackle him. He danced away just in time.

“He brought us fun?” asked Will. “Percy brings trouble.”

“Part of his charm,” argued his sister Kayla.

Other girls nodded. Percy was still singing.

 

**Also, I can control the seas**

**You're welcome**

**To protect our boat and it’s all with ease**

Percy sang pointing at each of the people who had been on the Argo II. He also pointed at Tyson, Clarisse, Grover and Annabeth. He had been on a boat in the Sea of Monsters too.

“When were Clarrise, Grover and Tyson on our boat?” Jason asked.

“They weren’t?” Piper replied confused.

“Percy got the Golden Fleece from the Sea of Monsters with them,” answered Katie Gardener nearby. The seven and several other newer campers nodded. Then Percy brought up the fleece.

 

**So what can I say except you're welcome?**

**For the Fleece hanging on that tree**

**There's no need to pray, it's okay, you're welcome**

**I guess it's just my way of being me**

**You're welcome, you're welcome**

He sauntered around more. Once he leaped on a stand and pointed at Peleus and the fleece. Then he flipped of the stands and spread his arms out as he sand “You’re welcome.” Then he started to rap.

**Well, come to think of it**

**Kids, honestly I can go on and on**

**I can explain every single phenomenon**

**The tide, Volcanoes, lots of explosions**

**Oh, that was Percy just messing around**

**“** He exploded Mount St. Helens,” explained a camper to some newer ones.

“And several of his schools,” Annabeth laughed.

“With some help from me!” Rachel joked.

“Me too!” Tyson cheered.

 

**I killed some monsters, I fought some gods**

**messed with Clarisse, now you all think I’m nuts**

Clarisse snarled. When some people looked at Annabeth questioningly she promised to explain later.

 

**What's the lesson? What is the takeaway?**

**Don't mess with Percy when he's on the breakaway**

**And that prophecy made by a mummy with old skin**

**foretold victories no-one thought I'd win**

**but Look where I've been, I make everything happen**

**Look at that Riptide and Percy just thwickity thwacking'**

 

That needed no explanation. Every one knew about Percy and his tendency to be included in prophecies. Annabeth knew that also included Norse and Egyptian ones. Percy winked and took out Riptide to perform some fancy sword tricks.

 

**Well anyway, let me say you're welcome!**

**For the wonderful world you know**

**Hey, it's okay, it's okay, you're welcome!**

**Well, come to think of it, I gotta go**

**Hey, it's your day to say you're welcome!**

**'Cause I'm gonna help with that boat**

**I'm sailing away, away, you're welcome!**

**'Cause Percy can do everything especially float**

“Wait what boat? The Argo II broke!” yelled Nyssa.

“I haven’t said any prophecies recently,” agreed Rachel. “Not about boats.”

“Percy!” shouted Annabeth. “No.”

 

**You're welcome, you're welcome!**

**And thank you!**

Percy bowed theatrically. Everyone applauded even though Annabeth was still glaring at him.

“Thank you Percy, for that wonderful rendition of that song.” Will laughed.

“The fact he can sing just made him even hotter,” Drew whispered to one of her sisters.

Several people were chattering about the song till Nico spoke up. “Percy, do you and Annabeth want to explain something about another boat?”

“Well…..” Percy looked to Annabeth for help.

“Only after we tell Chiron. You’ll hear later this week.” Annabeth then pulled Percy away. The Centaur was in the Big House right now.


	6. Chapter 6

It was time for another session of BTC. This time instead of the usual cheeseburgers and hanging they were all at Percy’s apartment. Sally and Paul were at Montauk for the weekend and Annabeth was at Mt. Olympus again. Percy had been left alone so he had decided to invite his cousins all over for the weekend. The seventeen year old was responsible enough so Sally agreed.

Jason and Hazel had arrived together from California. Nico and Thalia came soon after from L.A. After the usual affair of catching up and eating lots of blue cookies the cousins were at a loss for what to do.

Finally Thalia had an idea. “You guys want to play Never Have I Ever? Not the drinking version though.”

Hazel frowned, “What’s Never Have I Ever? Why would I need to drink?”

“You don’t,” Percy assured her. “Mom would kill me plus I’ve kind of sworn never to drink alcohol. I’m pretty sure Thalia and Jason might agree.”

The children of Zeus nodded. Their mother had been a horrible alcoholic. Like Percy with Smelly Gabe they had seen the affects. All three had sworn never to drink enough to get more than tipsy.

“So how do you play?” Nico asked. “We didn’t exactly play this game in the 1940s.”

“Right. Basically I’ll say something like Never Have I Ever lived at Camp Jupiter. If you’ve done that you’ll take one of these cards, because we need a way to keep track without drinking. It needs to be something you yourself has done,” Jason said. “Whoever has the most cards when we finish has lost. Whoever has the least wins.”

“I’ll start,” Thalia grinned maliciously. “Never have I ever wanted to kill my godly Stepmother.”

Nico, Thalia, Jason and even Hazel took cards. They looked surprised when Percy didn’t. “Amphitrite is nice. When I stayed at Dad’s last summer she made me cookies. The first time I met her she was a bit standoffish but we were in the middle of a war with Titans.”

“Why do you get the best godly parent and stepparent?” Thalia pouted.

“Reasons. My turn. Never have I ever shadow traveled,” Percy said. Everyone took a card.

Nico looked around thoughtfully from where he was in between Percy and Jason. “Never have I ever been sent on a quest for an item of a god’s power. Take as many as you have.”

Thalia and Nico both took one for the sword of Hades. Percy counted on his fingers before taking at least four.

“What are all those for?” Jason asked.

“The master bolt and Helm of Darkness were my very first quest. Rescued a sword for Hades too. Then the caduceus with Annabeth before the giant war.”

Everyone stared. Jason took a moment before taking his turn. “Never have I ever been Praetor.”

He and Percy took.

Hazel then tried. “Um… Never have I ever been to the Underworld?”

Everyone except Jason took.

“Really bro? Not even once?” asked Percy. “I think I’ve been at least six times.”

“Nope and hopefully not for a long time,” Jason said proudly.

“Never Have I Ever been voted for death by an Olympian Council. That you know of,” Thalia amended after a moment.

She and Percy both took.

“You’re losing fast,” Nico noted.

“Well I’ve sadly done a lot,” said Percy. “Um… Never have I ever been to Greece?”

Everyone but Thalia took and Percy grinned.

“Never have I ever been to the Lotus Casino,” Nico said making sure Percy took.

Jason sighed. “Never have I ever had a magical weapon.”

Everyone but the two children of the underworld took.

Hazel tried again still nervous, “Never have I ever been able to speak another language besides the one you can from your godly side. Meaning Latin for Romans and Greek for Greeks.”

Nico took with Hazel and Percy hesitated. “What if I can speak Latin as well as Greek?”

“What?” asked Jason. “How? When I was in Camp Half Blood I had to learn it from scratch. It wasn’t built in.”

“I don’t know,” Percy said. “I learnt a little when Chiron was my teacher in middle school but that was easy. It became so much easier after that and I can speak it as well as Greek now.”

Thalia sighed realizing Percy was getting uncomfortable with all of them staring at him for more than five minutes. “Never have I ever lived alone in a cabin.”

Everyone but Hazel took. She smiled, “Perks of the Legion.”

Percy went again. “Never have I ever wanted one of Mr. D’s shirts.”

Nico and Jason glared at him and took as well. Thalia and Hazel looked at them confused.

“What’s that about?” Thalia asked.

“Long story short we snuck into Mr. D’s room and discovered some t-shirts adult size small from the Grand World Tour of Madness and Wine-Tasting. We all wanted to take but that was when Mr. D returned.” ( **I got this from Percy Jackson’s Greek gods.)**

Nico groaned. How could he get Percy back? “Never have I ever argued with Hades and lived.”

Percy groaned and took a card handing one to Nico as well.

Jason smirked. “Never have I ever fought a Titan and a Giant one on one.”

“How about several?” Percy said taking yet another card.

“What haven’t you done?” Hazel asked.

“A lot.”

Hazel rolled her eyes. “Never have I ever been cursed.”

She and Percy took. Everyone looked at Percy. “Ares got mad when I beat him that first time. Said my sword would fail me one day. It did when fighting Atlas.”

“Really I didn’t notice?” Thalia said. “Okay. Never have I ever been a plant. Nico take two.”

Nico groaned but obeyed and looked surprised when Percy took as well. “Wait I thought you’ve only ever been a guinea pig.”

“I asked Athena a stupid question after learning with Annabeth. Got turned into an olive tree until Annabeth demanded I was turned back. Dad might have gotten really mad too.”

Everyone stared before cracking up. “What was the question?” Jason asked through his laugh.

Percy looked down at the floor. “If I could get a room at the Palace Athena,” he grumbled. ( **I got this from Percy Jackson’s Greek gods too.)**

Everyone cracked up again. It took awhile for them to calm down especially when they looked up to see Percy’s pout.

Even as they played for a few more rounds it was obvious Percy had lost. He had done the most out of all of them even if he hadn’t been living the life of a demigod as long as most of them.


	7. Chapter 7

Percy had been planning this for quite a while. After the Giant War and his run in with Egyptians things had been calm and he was excited for a calm Christmas with his mom, Paul and Annabeth **. (This is before he met all those Norse of course.)** There was thing he wanted to do.

He had gotten Nyssa from the Hephaestus cabin to create a large bronze jar for him though it had gotten him a few weird looks. Then with some help from Iris he made a call to Hermes.

The god popped up on the beach and looked at the wrapped bronze jar which had a bow on top. “What’s that?”

“A present for Ares,” Percy answered. “I know you’re busy but as one of the gods who appreciates pranks the most I thought you might want to help.”

“I’d be happy too. What’d he do this time?”

“Another giant boar after I beat Clarisse in a _friendly_ sparring match. It’s a bronze jar. Send me any footage you get.”

Hermes grinned. “I’ll stop by Hephaestus to pick up some bugs. George? Martha? Think you could put an order in?”

“ _I’d be happy too Percy dear,”_ Martha hissed.

_“Could we put in an order for some rats too?”_ George asked.

“No. You’ll get the footage by Christmas morning Percy.”

The son of Poseidon grinned. “I’ll give you some extras from dinner. Thanks!”

 

Percy of course followed up on his promise and Hermes got some roast beef burnt in his honor to Hermes as well as Poseidon. He headed home from Camp just a few days later with Annabeth to spend Christmas with Sally and Paul. It had been nice to spend those first days of winter break at Camp before he had to get back to studying for his SATs.

The night before Christmas he got into bed only to hear a voice. Immediately Riptide was in his head before he realized it was only an Iris message. “This is a collect call. Please put in a Drachma if you’d like to see it.”

Percy shuffled out of bed to his drawers. It took almost a minute but he threw a drachma in right before the message could expire.

“Percy? It’s Hermes. Well it worked amazingly. I didn’t even need to put it in his apartments. Just in the throne room for the solstice meeting. He’s once again the laughing stock of Olympus here it is.”

Percy watched the gods arguing as usual during their solstice meeting. He couldn’t help but notice that Apollo was missing but that concern went away quickly. The council quieted when a large box popped up in the middle of the throne room.

“Hermes?” thundered Zeus.

“Umm… It’s a package for Ares. The sender wanted to be anonymous. Passed all the security checks,” said Hermes checking his tablet.

Ares grinned. “Cool. Something from a fan. Of course I get all the cool surprise presents.”

He walked into the middle of the throne room and opened the box. As he did the sides fell away and a bronze jar was exposed. Ares paled exponentially and whimpered. The gods all stared for a moment before Hermes laughed. Hephaestus followed with a loud chuckle. Then Poseidon and Dionysus and soon enough all the gods were laughing.

Ares was on the floor screaming. “Get it away! Get it away!”

Hephaestus limped forward and picked it up. “It’s a jar Ares. That was millennia ago you were captured. Nice craftsmanship though. Looks like one of mine.”

Ares glared and Hephaestus chuckled. “I wish it was but I assure you it’s not.”

“Hermes, you punk! Who sent it?” he yelled.

The messenger god shook his head. “Can’t say. Costumer discretion. Not completely sure anyway.”(He was the god of lies too.)

Ares growled. “I will get my revenge.”

He stood up only to walk into the bronze jar and burst into tears again. The Iris message closed on the Olympian council all laughing at him. Ares never did find out though a lot of the other gods knew.


	8. Chapter 8

Percy had never realized how much fun glasses could be. Of course he didn’t have any himself but Jason’s, well, they were one of the best things about his friend. The boys had gotten a lot closer since Percy’s return and now were the best bromance of all. The whole month of August as they cleaned up camp from the fight and spent time together they got even closer.

Of course one of the biggest parts of a bromance was the teasing and inside jokes. Percy’s favorite thing to tease Jason about was his glasses. He even gave Jason a new nickname, “Eagle Eyes.” Doubly ironic because Jupiter’s sacred animal was an eagle.

Since getting back to Camp and settling back to the normal routine Percy had started falling into his old behaviors. He sparred with Clarisse, played fetch with Mrs. O’Leary, talked with Grover and any other of the normal activities he did in camp. That included teasing his friends and pulling pranks, sometimes with help from the Stolls.

Most of them were on the spur. The greatest victims were his best friends, but no one was safe. Jason was aware that Percy had been acting, well, Leo-like since he had been able to relax. When they headed to practice together in the arena Percy dropped that. He teased and taunted like usual when fighting but otherwise it was a normal sword fight, and no one was harmed.

At the end of the practice both of them were sweaty and gross. Percy poured some water over his head which splashed Jason. The roman looked at his immature cousin/friend indignantly. His glasses were now spattered with mud. He rubbed it off with his shirt before realizing his face was dirty too.

“You’re the worst Percy,” Jason complained setting his glasses on the bench and rubbing the mud off his face with the bottom of his shirt.

“Just a little fun Jason,” Percy teased pocketing the glasses as Jason blinked the rest of the dirt and water out of his eyes.

Jason looked around then reached toward the bench grasping around with a confused expression. “Did my glasses fall or something?”

“No,” Percy told him. “Maybe they’re on your head again.”

Jason frequently lost his glasses and asked everyone around him about them. Most of the time they were on his head, he had just forgotten they were there. No one ever told him though and it was a favorite joke of Percy’s. Jason ignored him and rolled his eyes. “Well they’re not on the bench. Can you see them?” Jason squinted looking around.

“I don’t,” Percy told him. Honestly he didn’t, because the imperial gold rimmed glasses were in his pocket.

“I’m so happy I got spares. I’ll come back here to look after I put them on,” Jason told him. He strapped his gladius to his side and started walking away. “Come on.”

“Bro you’re going to the wrong exit,” Percy told him. “That would take you to the big house.”

“Right,” Jason chuckled. “Why don’t you lead the way?”

 

When they got to his cabin Jason couldn’t find his spares either. Percy spent the rest of the day leading a stumbling Jason around camp. Everyone laughed at the poor blond roman that entire day, even Piper was relentless. “You should keep better track of them,” she had laughed.

By the end of the day Jason was frustrated and miserable. He would need new ones then, but until then he could get by. At dinner he sat down with his food alone as always. Percy plopped down next to him grinning.

“What’s up?”

“I found your glasses.”

“You did?” Jason asked. “ Where were they?”

“Right here, in my pocket.”

“What?”

“Bad mistake leaving them were someone could take them.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“No,” Percy grinned. “Don’t say that. You’ll hurt my feelings.”

“Well you are.”

“You’re already plotting your revenge aren’t you?”

“Maybe.”

 

The next day Jason accompanied Percy as he went to teach a sword fighting class. Percy assembled the kids with their partners and placed dummies and adjusted armor. As he did that Jason used his skill of controlling the wind to maneuver Percy’s _pen_ out of his pocket and it dropped in his lap. Picking it up he pocketed it grinning.

Two minutes later with the kids all in their armor correctly and everything set up Percy stood up in front of them. “Okay, we’re going to start with some basic blocks. Jason, get off your butt and help me.”

Jason grinned getting up and stood next to Percy. Percy spoke again wrapping his arm around Jason’s shoulder lazily. “Guys this is my bro Jason. He fights a bit differently than me because he’s roman but this should work. He’s going to strike from different directions and I’m going to block.”

Jason drew his gladius. The kids looked at their swords uneasily. “Where’s your sword?” a kid of about 12 asked Percy.

“Right here,” Percy took Riptide out of his pocket and uncapped it. Jason stared at him for a minute as all the kids started to ask him questions. Jason felt his pocket. Riptide wasn’t there. Percy must have swiped it back when he introduced him to the kids. He’d have to hide it better next time.

As Jason continued to exact his revenge on Percy he realized it would be harder than he thought. Percy was smarter than he thought and better at finding the small object too. Anywhere Jason hid it, his cabin, Piper’s, the armory, the big house, arts and crafts and even the woods Percy found it. Jason saw him using the sword every day.

The thing was he stole Jason’s glasses several more times, never for more than an hour. Jason always came after Percy who often had the glasses on him. He could never catch him. When Percy did hide the glasses Jason barely ever found them either. Probably because Percy’s hiding places were in Seymour’s mouth, on him, or in the Athena cabin where the glasses looked like they belonged.

Jason would never figure out how he did it. Annabeth had laughed when he told her and had sprayed milk from her nose in a very un-Annabeth like manner. Nico had grinned and fallen to the floor laughing and Thalia just advised him to stop trying. Percy wouldn’t ever be without Riptide for more than a few minutes, she told him. Jason didn’t like being unarmed either but that was a bit dramatic. Couldn’t Percy take a joke?


End file.
